6-12-2011 6:12AM TSQC
Dear Loved One
Written in Notepad-kaya di maayos ang formatting
Dear Loved One:
as you are reading this, i have gone. naka alis na ako patungo sa kung saan.
hindi natin alam kung saan ang nakatakda para sa akin. What's important now
is that i am here to say that I LOVE U VERY MUCH!
also, i am here to give myself my own eulogy. please read this to the people
who will attend my wake (kung meron man?! hahaha)
Euologies are most often talking about the great deeds a dead person has done
in his lifetime. here, i will be as truthful as i can so that it can be the
most honest and lesson learning eulogy of all.
Sa ibang ganitong pagtitipon, ang pinag sasabi ng mga tagapagsalita ay ang mga
mga magagandang ala-ala ng namayapa. sa aking pagawa nito ang aking iniisip ay
huwag ng pahirapan ang mga taong mag-isip sapagkat baka wala silang maisip na
maganda o mabuting nagawa ko sa kanila.
People usually FORGET the good things you have done when you have committed
the slightest MISTAKE or you have OFFENDED them. This is true. It is the
HURTING TRUTH ladies and gentlemen. Maaring sa ngayon ay hindi ninyo matata-
ngap ang pahayag na ito, ngunit kung inyong bibigyang pansin at susuriin ang
mga nakalipas na panahon sa inyong buhay ng may MALAWAK NA PAG-IISIP
(open mind), you will be able to agree with me.
As i am doing this, this early morning of Independence Day 2011, nararamdaman
ko ang paglaya ng aking isip. Kadalasan sa ating buhay nare-realize natin
ang mga mahahalagang bagay kapag ito'y nakalipas na o kaya naman ay wala na.
ang naiiwan sa atin ay ang PANGHIHINAYANG.
sa aking pag alis sa mundong ibabaw, marami ang HINDI makakadama ng panghihi-
nayang sapagkat hindi nila naramdaman ang aking halaga o kaya naman ay
nalimutan o natabunan na aking nagawang kakarampot na kabutihan sa kanilang
buhay. YES! that is true. i cannot enumerate how may times i have been USED
and ABUSED. ang later on branded as THE BAD GUY o ang WALANG HIYANG NILALANG.
i admit being that person. i admit being insensitive to peoples' feelings.
i also admit being intentional when speaking or telling people how i feel or
when expressing the truth as i see it.
MAy mga pagkakataon na ako naman ay nagpipilit na maging malumanay NGUNIT angkatotohanan kadalasan ay TALAGANG NAPAKASAKIT! It is hard to admit, digest and realize but SO EASY to DISREGARD, FORGET, and PRETEND NOT KNOW. iyan po ang SIMPLENG KATOTOHANAN sa BUHAY ng tao. sa ganang ito, ako ay nahihirapan mas madalas sa hindi na IPAHAYAG ANG TOTOO dahil maraming matatamaan at masasaktang damdamin pero iyan ang AKO.
i never hesitate to give my opinions but i make it a point to be in the
most objective rate when dishing it out. I am usually with BASIS not BIASES
when you hear me speak. I can tell you my side of the coin with DUE CONSIDERATION to the other side of it.
May mga bagay na KAILANGAN kang PANIGAN pero ang aking diskarte ay malupit. HINDI ako nagbibigay nag opinion sa ganitong sitwasyon na akin lamang. I tend to site instances from the FACTS or STORIES given and try to assume or hypothetically suggest an opinion thereby making an impression that those who are seeking such comments from me will get something biased to them.
There are so many things that could not be said in words ngunit aking pilit
na sinusubukan sa pagkakataong ito sa kadahilanang ito na ang mga HULING TIPAK ng aking isipan na IIWAN sa INYONG ALAALA (from a song).
The usually thinkable eulogy would be to describe the person lying inside the
coffin as we know him. TAMA! Ganun nga dapat ang nilalaman nitong aking
inusulat sa ngayon. Ang dami ko pang pasakalye eh dun din pala ang tuloy nito.
ok here goes... I WAS:
I. NEVER A GOOD SON:
(people will start nodding in agreement, RIGHT?! Sige magpanggap ka at ika'y
aking tatapikin! LOLZ)
i know for a fact that i have been the ruthless SON of a B****! yes i admit
to those impressions and thinking. pinangatawanan ko na yan mula pa 2nd year
HS. i am not sorry or shameful for that. that is who i am.
hindi po ako nagyayabang or nagmamalaki. IYAN LANG PO ANG KATOTOHANAN kung
kaya't kailangan ko pong tanggapin. i was hurt for THOUGHTLESSLY being
branded as such. pero TO EACH HIS OWN OPINION, WALANG BASAKAN NG TRIP, ETO
ANG GUSTO KO! so i respected those who think of me that way.
BUT, the BIG BUT (not BUTT!) is kayo bang nag isip na ganyan ako ay NAGTANONG
man lang sa inyong mga sarili? NAISIPAN ba ninyo na tanungin sa akin kung
bakit ako ay hindi naging mabuting anak? o baka naman NATIGIL at NAKUNTENTO
na KAYO sa pag-sasabi at pag iisip na ganun nga AKO?!
That is where i am different. naiiba ako sa inyo sapagkat ang mga ANAK na
umaasal ng kagaya ko ay pinag-iisipan ko at pinagtatanong ko sa sarili ko at
sa iba kung bakit kaya ganun UMASTA?
WHY and HOW did they become that person? the two most simple yet complicated
question i always ask, applicable to almost any situation i have encountered.
NGAYON, sa harap ninyong lahat, ako ay una, NAGPAPASALAMAT sa iilang tao na
nakapag tanong niyan sa kanilang sarili. alam ko na hindi lahat ay common
mag-isip. may iilan na nag effort to ask and think about those. MARAMING
MARAMING SALAMAT!!! kahit kayong mga ungaz ay iilan at alam kong wala kayong
nakuhang MATINONG SAGOT sa akin sa tanong na iyon, I really am THANKFUL and
i REALLY APPRECIATE it for doing so. oo KAyo na! HAHAHA!
ikalawa, sa lahat ng tinamaan at nasaktang sa aking pagiging BAD SON,(huli
man daw ay magaling pa rin!!! BIRO LANG PO!) i say I AM SO SORRY FOR HURTING
YOU!!! it was most of the time intentional for you to realize that some BAD
SONS are better that your so called GOOD ones. Yes, i am NOT REGRETFUL for
doing so BUT,
I... AM... SORRY!!! (seriously with tone like PGMA after admitting "lapse in
judgement" in the HELLO!Garci Election Scandal).
Still, hindi po sa pagyayabang o pagmamalaki- iyan lang po ang pawang ako at
and TOTOONG AKO, i did not have lapse in judgement for beign the BAD SON
that you had. I AM PRETTY SURE THAT YOU WERE ABLE TO APPRECIATE YOUR OTHER
CHILDREN BECAUSE ... I was never the GOOD SON.
II. NEVER THE RELIABLE NEPHEW:
(to be continued) di pa po final ung ibang parts...
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Lumang kaisipan na nasulat ... dati pa pala nasulat bago pa ang blog na ito...
11 September 2010
Such a Boring Nite
I can’t help but wonder why…
It hasn’t been a long day for today
But it’s really not that good.
I feel tired and sleepy
But I didn’t do anything today
Although I went home around past 1am
It’s just not normal for me to feel this way.
I am the night crawler… hahaha..ipis??!!
Ang hirap nmn ng ganito kahit mag chat ako
Ay tinamaan ng katamaran.
Eh iyan ang past time ko eh. Bakit kaya?
Ano ba nmn ang nangyayari sa akin?
Is this the sign of old age?
Nakupo naman, huwaaaag!!!
Maybe it’s because of the pressures in life lately.
Minsan talaga tama ang sinsabe nila-mas nakakpagod
Ang mag-isip kaysa gumawa.
Eh hindi naman mawawala ang iniisip kung hindi ka gagawa.
Iyan ang malaki kong problema. Kahit na gusto kong gumawa
Eh wala naman pang kilos.
“Life is unfair – get used to it!!!”
Sabi daw yan ni Bill Gates ng Microsoft.
Sabagy nga naman totoo ‘to. Kung iispin nating mabuti,
Anong magagawa ng reklamo ka ng reklamo o inggit ka ng inggit sa kung kani-kanino eh ganun pala talaga ang buhay.
Hindi lahat ng gusto makukuha. Hindi rin lahat ng kelangan eh meron ka.
Ang hirap ipaliwanag pero susubukan kong ipaliwanag ang nasa sa aking isipan bagama’t ako ay nag aalinlangan sapagkat alam kong ako ay mahihirapan.
To those of you who are reading this right now, please bear with me because it has been ages since I last tried to write down my thoughts. Ngayon nga pati ang tawag sa pagsusulat na ito ay may bago ng salita.
Kung dati rati ay masasabi itong ‘diary o journal’, ngayon maari nang sabihin na ito ay blog or blogging. But I am not sure if I would publish it over the internet or cyber world. I don’t think it would interest people to read such a messy article.
Random thoughts po ito. Kung anong maisip ay siya kong isinusulat sa pamamagita ng pag tipak ng keyboard. Dati pen and paper ang gamit, na nagging typewriter, pero eto isang electronic gadget na ang pagsulat.
Meron naman itong mga advantages at disadvantages. Lesser papers to crumple and ink to waste or typewriter ribbon to use and liquid eraser to paint. Wow! Going green?! Hahaha! Eh pano nmn ung electronic waste?
Kuryente? Old batteries, waste of time?? Hmmm..
Pati pala mga styles of writing hindi ko na alam. Nakupo! Patay ako neto sa research technique teacher ko nung high school. Sorry na Ma’am.
Ang dami ng nagbago sa mundo at sa buhay ko.
Ilang taon na rin nakakaraan sa 911 World Trade Center tragedy sa US.
Ilan buwan na din mula ng maging pangulo si Noynoy Aquino a.k.a.P-noy.
Ganun pa din nasa pulitika pa din si Gloria Arroyo at ang kanyang mga galamay.
14 September 2010
EXAM day 2
Hindi naman ako ang may exam. Si Boy Little. He suddenly felt afraid of his exams’ first day. Maybe, just maybe he was traumatized the previous set of quarter. Unang sabak kasi niya sa school. Pero nag exams na din siya months back but still I think he’s got the 1st day thing.
He convinced his mommy to go with him kahapon. Monday kahapon, pero as early as Friday nagereklamo na ayaw niya mag test. ‘natatakot ako’. When ask him why, he would just say ‘basta natatakot ako’ or ‘napapagod kasi ako’. Hay buhay!
If only kids would know it early that life is not about fear but conquering the world. And if getting tired at his age is nothing compared to how tired adults feel. It is good though that they don’t experience it as early. They have to enjoy life as it is because they have nowhere to go but to grow up. They have feel and be happy as they could now more than ever. Because there is no going back to their youth. I just wish this Boy Little would grow up to a responsible and lucky man!
Yes! I said lucky. Life is unfair diba? And we have to get used to it? Kaya ang wish ko sa anak is he grows up to be a lucky guy. Pwede na din hardworking pero mas ok kung lucky. I do believe there are the ‘luckies’ as I call it. Yun bang talagang dinadatingan ng swerte. Meron talaga believe me. I have seen at least two people na ganyan.
Ang mahirap kasi sa buhay, minsan you’re so hardworking pero pag inabot ka ng malas mababale wala. Alam ko ito kasi pinagdaanan ko na to. Maybe I was not working hard enough? Di rin, parang di ko matanggap. Pwede siguro an my best wasn’t good enough. Ganun daw talaga, you don’t get everything you want. Just be satisfied with what you have. I am… now! Hehehe
So kaya gusto ko maging swerte ang anak pero in a responsible manner. Mahirap na puros hard work and patience tapos wala din sa huli. I wish him a good life. Not necessarily na mayaman. Just enough. Yung may ipon at hindi nagugutom. Ok na ko dun pero kung swerte siya, for sure may matutulungan pa siya. Ang hirap talaga mag-isip pero eto lang naiisip kong paraan para mailabas ang nasa sa loob ko.
Kawawa naman ang misis ko kung sasabihin ko pa to sa kanya eh ang dami na niyang pinoproblema sa buhay naming.
Si misis. Isang mabuting asawa at ina. Hindi ko lang nasasabi sa kanya pero ganun siya. I understand when she loses her patience with me or my son. Ako naman tong si loko eh kadalasan sumasabay pa. Si anak naman saksakan kasi ng kulit at minsan ang hirap pagsabihan. What do u do with a 5-year old? Hehehe.
Ganyan ang misis ko. Minsan maikli ang pasensiya, sino bang hindi? Kahit minsan ba di napatid ang pasensiya mo?? Grabe! Pati mga in-laws ko ang bait. Wala kang maririnig. Basta tumutulong ng kusa. Magbibigay kapag mayron sila. Di mo na kailangan mag sabi.
Kadalasan si mama, siya pang hihingi ng sorry dahil hindi daw siya nakakatulong sa amin. Hello?!!! Hindi po kayo ang walang maitulong ‘ma! Ako po! Ako! Ako!
Si papa naman, biglaan yan. Basta tatawag o mag tetext sa misis ko na kunin yung ganito. Di man regular si papa magbigay ng tulong pero sa oras na kelangan biglaan dumarating.
Si bayaw. Ganun din pero minsan wa-is yun. Di yun papalamang. Hehehe. Pero ok lang ganyan ang laban sa buhay. Ako lang naman tong di baling palugi basta ‘goodwill’ ang ma earn ko.
Lintek! Nako! Oo. Tama! Ganyan ang ugali ko. Ganyan ang ugaling galit nagalit ako sa mga tita ko. They seem to give every penny to those who ‘are in need’. Kahit yung iba eh hindi. Pati naman ako nakikinabang sa ugaling ito pero not to the point I accept everything they give. Hindi ako tumatanggi sa grasya pag wala na kong pera. Pero minsan kasi may mga taong abusado sa pananaw ito. Tanggap ng tanggap, di man lang iniisip na pabalat bunga lang ng nag aabot yun. Kaya minsan ganun nalang iniisip ko, since ako ang mas wala. Akin na lang kesa naman dun pa mapunta sa meron pa pero tatanggap pa din.
Eto ako ngayon. Galit sa ganyang ugali na sobrang mapagbigay kahit wala ng kitain o mapala. Ewan ko ba. Ganun siguro ang lahi namin. It has its advantages and big disadvantages too.
Hay Misis Ko! Salamat sa diyos at ikaw ang ibinigay sakin. Siguro yung mga pinagdaanan mo dati is the preparation for this. I told you so. Lang’ya sakin ka pala hinahanda ng tadhana. Sorry po ha. Pati ikaw nadamay sa kamalasan ko.
Mahirap man sabihin pero I sure am so lucky and blessed to have you as my better half. Sorry dahil I am your worse half.
Napakihirap pala isulat ang mga nasa kaisipan. Nakakabilib ang mga writers. I am trying this outlet pero mahirap. Sobrang overload pala. Pero ok lang kasi nailalabas ko yung thoughts ko. Kawawa siguro ang publisher kung sakaling magpublish ako ng libro. Haha! Di ko kasi Gawain nabasahin pa ang mga nasulat ko na. sa akin kasi bear with the mistakes, that is me…in its original form.
Good day!
PS: kapag walang good day or good nite or ung panghuling salita sa baba, ibig sabihin hindi ko natapos and pagsulat. Salamat ulet.
23 SEPTEMBER 2010
Thursday 1:02pm
Dear Nget,
First, let me tell you I’m sorry for being grouchy when you called me up. Uncalled for pero nakaka tulili kasi. Let me explain and keep an open mind and heart.
The issue with the smell sa clinic has been there for a week. Bakit kelangan pang hintayin ako para malaman kung saan nanggagaling yun? Clinic ko ba yun? Hindi ba’t dapat first priority yung sanitary ng lugar?
Bago ka umalis, I ask you ano ba mga pagagawa mo sa clinic? Hindi mo na nga sinagot ibang issue pa binagsak mo sakin. Pwede ba naman yun? Nag set tayo na duty ako sa clinic. Alam ko maglilinis ako dun, etc etc. I just wanted a confirmation from you kung ano ung mga nasa isip mong ipapagawa? Pero wala kang nagging sagot.
Pwede ba naman yun?
Kukuha ka ng taga laba pero siya ang magdecide kung ano ang mga lalabahan?
Kukuha ka ng taga plantsa pero siya na ang bahala kung ano ang dapat plantsahin?
Kukuha ka ba ng karpintero/tubero/technician/etc. pero hahayaan mo sila na ang gumawa ng mga bagay-bagay sa loob ng pamamahay o clinic mo?
Siyempre hindi. Pero bakit hindi mo masagot ang tanong ko kanina. Ano ang mga ipagagawa mo sa clinic sa akin???
Dahil ba sa asawa mo ako kaya alam ko na dapat ang gagawin ko?
Dahil ba sa asawa mo ako kaya dapat alam ko hindi mo na sabihin sakin dahil dapat mag kusa na ako sa mga dapat kong gawin?
Ganun ba yun?
---
It’s not always that we have someone to depend on. There will come a time that we are alone and/or we feel alone in this world that we live in. be it physically, emotionally or financially.
What do we do when this time comes? At our age and time, we should know already. It was not taught in the institutions that we learned from. Neither was it thought by our parents, relatives or friends.
But what do we do? What should we do? How do we do? The answer to this question lies in us. Not with the books and not with other people. The ANSWER is in US, nowhere else but IN US.
No one can tell us how to look inside us. No one can tell us where to look in us. No can help us look in ourselves but US. And US alone.
So if the answers lie in US, in ourselves, in myself and in yourself, how do u solve such difficult question?
Who can conquer yourself? Do you think a psychologist or psychiatrist can help you answer this? Then go ahead and spend a fortune asking their professional help.
Do you think GOD will help you answer this? Maybe. But in his time, ways and means. And if He does, are you sure you are prepared to stare at the answers right in your face? Or you will just be confused and maybe double or triple confusion may take place in your heart and mind because God answers us in so many ways—oftentimes mysteriously and incognito.
---
Nget, hindi sa lahat ng oras ay maasahan ako alam mo yan. Pinipilit ko gawin ang physical at emotional na pwede kong gawin. Financial, alam mong wala akong magawa. Kung minsan ay nakaka sawa na din. Nakaka sawa na hindi ka na appreciate bagkus ay hinahanapan ka pa ng mga bagay na hindi mo kayang maibigay sa kasalukuyan.
Marami akong pag kukulang. Pinipilit ko ng punan sa ibang paraan, sa ibang diskarte na alam kong hindi mo nakikita dahil hindi ito tugma sa mga nais mong makita. Normal yun. Alam kong may karapatan kang umasa at humingi dahil ako ang iyong asawa. Ngunit ano ang aking magagawa kung ako ay salat sa mga panahong ito.
Marahil ay hindi mo naramdaman ang aking mga pagbibigay nuon ako ay hindi pa sadyang salat sa lahat ng bagay. Ang kadahilanan ay dahil ikaw ay hindi rin salat nuong mga panahong iyon. Ngayon na tayo’y parehas na salat sa mga pagkakataon, sana naman ay iyong makita na mas nakakahigit ka pa din kung ika’y ikukumpara sa akin.
Ikaw ay may mga magulang na matatakbuhan, ako ba’y mayroon? Paka iyong tandaan na ang mga kamag-anak ay iba sa magulang na maari mong sandigan kung ikaw ay nangangailangan. Ako’y walang ganito.
Ikaw ay may mga magulang na mapagbigay. Ako ba’y mayroon kahit na isang kamag-anak o kapatid na ganyan? Alam natin na kailangan ko pang humingi at magkaron ng pasanin sa tuwing ako ay maambunan ng kaunting grasya mula sa kanila.
I am longing too. But at least your parents are just miles away but are still so much caring for you and your son. Count that as a blessing for I count them as one of my blessing because they still take care of you. I know for sure that they will move mountains for you. I am longing for that too.
Where do I find such parents? You very well know my history. I stood alone since I can remember. It was only yaya who was there with me. You will not understand me just as simple as this because you never experienced being really alone. I grew up alone, emotionally. But I have tried my best to keep it away from you.
I wanted to be with you all the way. Emotionally and physically as much as I can I was with you. Please look back beyond three years ago so you could see what I mean. It’s very hard to explain.
But time will really come that we must be alone. Maybe in our work, being as a friend, being as a spouse or just being our self, we will have a moment alone. Intentional or not it will come not just once but as often as we allow it to come. It is in US when we feel alone. It is in US when we feel left behind. It is in US that feel no one is by our side or behind our back.
Ever since I can remember, in this relationship, I tried my best to be beside you, behind you or even in front of you. I did everything I know for you to feel it. Be it in words, actions and even in spirit. I do and I did as far as I know. I don’t care if you felt it or you’ve seen it but just don’t tell me that I was never there.
There are times that I was really never there because you never allowed yourself to feel my presence emotionally and in spirit whenever I am physically not there. Why? It is only you who could answer that.
---
Honestly, I am lost. Lost for hope in a career, lost for hope in my life. Please listen. Now I am no longer INDEPENDENT. I am no longer my previous self. I need somebody to be beside, behind and in front of me. I am now DEPENDENT.
DEPENDENT—
In everything
In everyone
In YOU. Emotionally and financially!
(this entry was made months ago… it was unfinished, I cannot remember why I left it un “ended”)
=old entry end=
6-12-11 Araw ng Kalayaan
Such a Boring Nite
I can’t help but wonder why…
It hasn’t been a long day for today
But it’s really not that good.
I feel tired and sleepy
But I didn’t do anything today
Although I went home around past 1am
It’s just not normal for me to feel this way.
I am the night crawler… hahaha..ipis??!!
Ang hirap nmn ng ganito kahit mag chat ako
Ay tinamaan ng katamaran.
Eh iyan ang past time ko eh. Bakit kaya?
Ano ba nmn ang nangyayari sa akin?
Is this the sign of old age?
Nakupo naman, huwaaaag!!!
Maybe it’s because of the pressures in life lately.
Minsan talaga tama ang sinsabe nila-mas nakakpagod
Ang mag-isip kaysa gumawa.
Eh hindi naman mawawala ang iniisip kung hindi ka gagawa.
Iyan ang malaki kong problema. Kahit na gusto kong gumawa
Eh wala naman pang kilos.
“Life is unfair – get used to it!!!”
Sabi daw yan ni Bill Gates ng Microsoft.
Sabagy nga naman totoo ‘to. Kung iispin nating mabuti,
Anong magagawa ng reklamo ka ng reklamo o inggit ka ng inggit sa kung kani-kanino eh ganun pala talaga ang buhay.
Hindi lahat ng gusto makukuha. Hindi rin lahat ng kelangan eh meron ka.
Ang hirap ipaliwanag pero susubukan kong ipaliwanag ang nasa sa aking isipan bagama’t ako ay nag aalinlangan sapagkat alam kong ako ay mahihirapan.
To those of you who are reading this right now, please bear with me because it has been ages since I last tried to write down my thoughts. Ngayon nga pati ang tawag sa pagsusulat na ito ay may bago ng salita.
Kung dati rati ay masasabi itong ‘diary o journal’, ngayon maari nang sabihin na ito ay blog or blogging. But I am not sure if I would publish it over the internet or cyber world. I don’t think it would interest people to read such a messy article.
Random thoughts po ito. Kung anong maisip ay siya kong isinusulat sa pamamagita ng pag tipak ng keyboard. Dati pen and paper ang gamit, na nagging typewriter, pero eto isang electronic gadget na ang pagsulat.
Meron naman itong mga advantages at disadvantages. Lesser papers to crumple and ink to waste or typewriter ribbon to use and liquid eraser to paint. Wow! Going green?! Hahaha! Eh pano nmn ung electronic waste?
Kuryente? Old batteries, waste of time?? Hmmm..
Pati pala mga styles of writing hindi ko na alam. Nakupo! Patay ako neto sa research technique teacher ko nung high school. Sorry na Ma’am.
Ang dami ng nagbago sa mundo at sa buhay ko.
Ilang taon na rin nakakaraan sa 911 World Trade Center tragedy sa US.
Ilan buwan na din mula ng maging pangulo si Noynoy Aquino a.k.a.P-noy.
Ganun pa din nasa pulitika pa din si Gloria Arroyo at ang kanyang mga galamay.
14 September 2010
EXAM day 2
Hindi naman ako ang may exam. Si Boy Little. He suddenly felt afraid of his exams’ first day. Maybe, just maybe he was traumatized the previous set of quarter. Unang sabak kasi niya sa school. Pero nag exams na din siya months back but still I think he’s got the 1st day thing.
He convinced his mommy to go with him kahapon. Monday kahapon, pero as early as Friday nagereklamo na ayaw niya mag test. ‘natatakot ako’. When ask him why, he would just say ‘basta natatakot ako’ or ‘napapagod kasi ako’. Hay buhay!
If only kids would know it early that life is not about fear but conquering the world. And if getting tired at his age is nothing compared to how tired adults feel. It is good though that they don’t experience it as early. They have to enjoy life as it is because they have nowhere to go but to grow up. They have feel and be happy as they could now more than ever. Because there is no going back to their youth. I just wish this Boy Little would grow up to a responsible and lucky man!
Yes! I said lucky. Life is unfair diba? And we have to get used to it? Kaya ang wish ko sa anak is he grows up to be a lucky guy. Pwede na din hardworking pero mas ok kung lucky. I do believe there are the ‘luckies’ as I call it. Yun bang talagang dinadatingan ng swerte. Meron talaga believe me. I have seen at least two people na ganyan.
Ang mahirap kasi sa buhay, minsan you’re so hardworking pero pag inabot ka ng malas mababale wala. Alam ko ito kasi pinagdaanan ko na to. Maybe I was not working hard enough? Di rin, parang di ko matanggap. Pwede siguro an my best wasn’t good enough. Ganun daw talaga, you don’t get everything you want. Just be satisfied with what you have. I am… now! Hehehe
So kaya gusto ko maging swerte ang anak pero in a responsible manner. Mahirap na puros hard work and patience tapos wala din sa huli. I wish him a good life. Not necessarily na mayaman. Just enough. Yung may ipon at hindi nagugutom. Ok na ko dun pero kung swerte siya, for sure may matutulungan pa siya. Ang hirap talaga mag-isip pero eto lang naiisip kong paraan para mailabas ang nasa sa loob ko.
Kawawa naman ang misis ko kung sasabihin ko pa to sa kanya eh ang dami na niyang pinoproblema sa buhay naming.
Si misis. Isang mabuting asawa at ina. Hindi ko lang nasasabi sa kanya pero ganun siya. I understand when she loses her patience with me or my son. Ako naman tong si loko eh kadalasan sumasabay pa. Si anak naman saksakan kasi ng kulit at minsan ang hirap pagsabihan. What do u do with a 5-year old? Hehehe.
Ganyan ang misis ko. Minsan maikli ang pasensiya, sino bang hindi? Kahit minsan ba di napatid ang pasensiya mo?? Grabe! Pati mga in-laws ko ang bait. Wala kang maririnig. Basta tumutulong ng kusa. Magbibigay kapag mayron sila. Di mo na kailangan mag sabi.
Kadalasan si mama, siya pang hihingi ng sorry dahil hindi daw siya nakakatulong sa amin. Hello?!!! Hindi po kayo ang walang maitulong ‘ma! Ako po! Ako! Ako!
Si papa naman, biglaan yan. Basta tatawag o mag tetext sa misis ko na kunin yung ganito. Di man regular si papa magbigay ng tulong pero sa oras na kelangan biglaan dumarating.
Si bayaw. Ganun din pero minsan wa-is yun. Di yun papalamang. Hehehe. Pero ok lang ganyan ang laban sa buhay. Ako lang naman tong di baling palugi basta ‘goodwill’ ang ma earn ko.
Lintek! Nako! Oo. Tama! Ganyan ang ugali ko. Ganyan ang ugaling galit nagalit ako sa mga tita ko. They seem to give every penny to those who ‘are in need’. Kahit yung iba eh hindi. Pati naman ako nakikinabang sa ugaling ito pero not to the point I accept everything they give. Hindi ako tumatanggi sa grasya pag wala na kong pera. Pero minsan kasi may mga taong abusado sa pananaw ito. Tanggap ng tanggap, di man lang iniisip na pabalat bunga lang ng nag aabot yun. Kaya minsan ganun nalang iniisip ko, since ako ang mas wala. Akin na lang kesa naman dun pa mapunta sa meron pa pero tatanggap pa din.
Eto ako ngayon. Galit sa ganyang ugali na sobrang mapagbigay kahit wala ng kitain o mapala. Ewan ko ba. Ganun siguro ang lahi namin. It has its advantages and big disadvantages too.
Hay Misis Ko! Salamat sa diyos at ikaw ang ibinigay sakin. Siguro yung mga pinagdaanan mo dati is the preparation for this. I told you so. Lang’ya sakin ka pala hinahanda ng tadhana. Sorry po ha. Pati ikaw nadamay sa kamalasan ko.
Mahirap man sabihin pero I sure am so lucky and blessed to have you as my better half. Sorry dahil I am your worse half.
Napakihirap pala isulat ang mga nasa kaisipan. Nakakabilib ang mga writers. I am trying this outlet pero mahirap. Sobrang overload pala. Pero ok lang kasi nailalabas ko yung thoughts ko. Kawawa siguro ang publisher kung sakaling magpublish ako ng libro. Haha! Di ko kasi Gawain nabasahin pa ang mga nasulat ko na. sa akin kasi bear with the mistakes, that is me…in its original form.
Good day!
PS: kapag walang good day or good nite or ung panghuling salita sa baba, ibig sabihin hindi ko natapos and pagsulat. Salamat ulet.
23 SEPTEMBER 2010
Thursday 1:02pm
Dear Nget,
First, let me tell you I’m sorry for being grouchy when you called me up. Uncalled for pero nakaka tulili kasi. Let me explain and keep an open mind and heart.
The issue with the smell sa clinic has been there for a week. Bakit kelangan pang hintayin ako para malaman kung saan nanggagaling yun? Clinic ko ba yun? Hindi ba’t dapat first priority yung sanitary ng lugar?
Bago ka umalis, I ask you ano ba mga pagagawa mo sa clinic? Hindi mo na nga sinagot ibang issue pa binagsak mo sakin. Pwede ba naman yun? Nag set tayo na duty ako sa clinic. Alam ko maglilinis ako dun, etc etc. I just wanted a confirmation from you kung ano ung mga nasa isip mong ipapagawa? Pero wala kang nagging sagot.
Pwede ba naman yun?
Kukuha ka ng taga laba pero siya ang magdecide kung ano ang mga lalabahan?
Kukuha ka ng taga plantsa pero siya na ang bahala kung ano ang dapat plantsahin?
Kukuha ka ba ng karpintero/tubero/technician/etc. pero hahayaan mo sila na ang gumawa ng mga bagay-bagay sa loob ng pamamahay o clinic mo?
Siyempre hindi. Pero bakit hindi mo masagot ang tanong ko kanina. Ano ang mga ipagagawa mo sa clinic sa akin???
Dahil ba sa asawa mo ako kaya alam ko na dapat ang gagawin ko?
Dahil ba sa asawa mo ako kaya dapat alam ko hindi mo na sabihin sakin dahil dapat mag kusa na ako sa mga dapat kong gawin?
Ganun ba yun?
---
It’s not always that we have someone to depend on. There will come a time that we are alone and/or we feel alone in this world that we live in. be it physically, emotionally or financially.
What do we do when this time comes? At our age and time, we should know already. It was not taught in the institutions that we learned from. Neither was it thought by our parents, relatives or friends.
But what do we do? What should we do? How do we do? The answer to this question lies in us. Not with the books and not with other people. The ANSWER is in US, nowhere else but IN US.
No one can tell us how to look inside us. No one can tell us where to look in us. No can help us look in ourselves but US. And US alone.
So if the answers lie in US, in ourselves, in myself and in yourself, how do u solve such difficult question?
Who can conquer yourself? Do you think a psychologist or psychiatrist can help you answer this? Then go ahead and spend a fortune asking their professional help.
Do you think GOD will help you answer this? Maybe. But in his time, ways and means. And if He does, are you sure you are prepared to stare at the answers right in your face? Or you will just be confused and maybe double or triple confusion may take place in your heart and mind because God answers us in so many ways—oftentimes mysteriously and incognito.
---
Nget, hindi sa lahat ng oras ay maasahan ako alam mo yan. Pinipilit ko gawin ang physical at emotional na pwede kong gawin. Financial, alam mong wala akong magawa. Kung minsan ay nakaka sawa na din. Nakaka sawa na hindi ka na appreciate bagkus ay hinahanapan ka pa ng mga bagay na hindi mo kayang maibigay sa kasalukuyan.
Marami akong pag kukulang. Pinipilit ko ng punan sa ibang paraan, sa ibang diskarte na alam kong hindi mo nakikita dahil hindi ito tugma sa mga nais mong makita. Normal yun. Alam kong may karapatan kang umasa at humingi dahil ako ang iyong asawa. Ngunit ano ang aking magagawa kung ako ay salat sa mga panahong ito.
Marahil ay hindi mo naramdaman ang aking mga pagbibigay nuon ako ay hindi pa sadyang salat sa lahat ng bagay. Ang kadahilanan ay dahil ikaw ay hindi rin salat nuong mga panahong iyon. Ngayon na tayo’y parehas na salat sa mga pagkakataon, sana naman ay iyong makita na mas nakakahigit ka pa din kung ika’y ikukumpara sa akin.
Ikaw ay may mga magulang na matatakbuhan, ako ba’y mayroon? Paka iyong tandaan na ang mga kamag-anak ay iba sa magulang na maari mong sandigan kung ikaw ay nangangailangan. Ako’y walang ganito.
Ikaw ay may mga magulang na mapagbigay. Ako ba’y mayroon kahit na isang kamag-anak o kapatid na ganyan? Alam natin na kailangan ko pang humingi at magkaron ng pasanin sa tuwing ako ay maambunan ng kaunting grasya mula sa kanila.
I am longing too. But at least your parents are just miles away but are still so much caring for you and your son. Count that as a blessing for I count them as one of my blessing because they still take care of you. I know for sure that they will move mountains for you. I am longing for that too.
Where do I find such parents? You very well know my history. I stood alone since I can remember. It was only yaya who was there with me. You will not understand me just as simple as this because you never experienced being really alone. I grew up alone, emotionally. But I have tried my best to keep it away from you.
I wanted to be with you all the way. Emotionally and physically as much as I can I was with you. Please look back beyond three years ago so you could see what I mean. It’s very hard to explain.
But time will really come that we must be alone. Maybe in our work, being as a friend, being as a spouse or just being our self, we will have a moment alone. Intentional or not it will come not just once but as often as we allow it to come. It is in US when we feel alone. It is in US when we feel left behind. It is in US that feel no one is by our side or behind our back.
Ever since I can remember, in this relationship, I tried my best to be beside you, behind you or even in front of you. I did everything I know for you to feel it. Be it in words, actions and even in spirit. I do and I did as far as I know. I don’t care if you felt it or you’ve seen it but just don’t tell me that I was never there.
There are times that I was really never there because you never allowed yourself to feel my presence emotionally and in spirit whenever I am physically not there. Why? It is only you who could answer that.
---
Honestly, I am lost. Lost for hope in a career, lost for hope in my life. Please listen. Now I am no longer INDEPENDENT. I am no longer my previous self. I need somebody to be beside, behind and in front of me. I am now DEPENDENT.
DEPENDENT—
In everything
In everyone
In YOU. Emotionally and financially!
(this entry was made months ago… it was unfinished, I cannot remember why I left it un “ended”)
=old entry end=
6-12-11 Araw ng Kalayaan
Ang Laman ng Isip Ngayon
Ang Laman ng Isip Ngayon
15 January 2011
Sari-Saring Topics
I did it again today! Did another set of laundry. This is my favorite house work. I make it a point that I imagine myself working out in a fitness center when doing the laundry. The clothes are the dumb bells, the pale I use to fill the wash tub with water is the barbell or machine that affects the abdomen area and the rugs on the floor as the treadmill. I started realizing this when I admitted that my stomach was getting big and I felt heavy even when walking. I guess it was last quarter of 2010 when I started this ritual.
Kahit naka washing machine ang gamit, I realized we still need to exert physically para naman sa kagaya kong di ma afford mag punta sa gym ay may onting exercise pa din. Nakakatuwa lang isipin at ipahayag na kahit papano may resulta. Yan ay sabi ng misis ko na parang pumorma daw ang aking braso at dibdib. And she jokes about it. One time a HS friend she was chatting with at FB was asking where I am, she said I was sleeping early coz I was just done with my work-out. This HS friend was surprised and told her to send her a picture. They laughed thru chatting when she discovered that my work-out was doing the laundry twice a week.
When we got a digicam as a gift, she really remembered to take my pic while doing the laundry cause she said she will show it to my friend the next tym they chat. Hahaha!
Now, after doing the laundry, I have another work-out to do. That is to make my son take his nap. This one is gonna be tough. He will figure out something to get me off his back and make me forget to make him do his naptime. Mind work-out it is!
Ang tawag dito ay unahan sa pang u-uto. My 5-year old is good at this. There have been many times he has gotten away with it. Him making me take a nap time! Weird but true. My wife has become a victim too of faking a nap. Victim of our own dose of medicine, we fall asleep and this little mama of ours will enjoy himself playing his toys or PSP and wait for us to wake-up and tell us: “Ikaw naman nakatulog Dad/Ma!”
Now, he just asked me if I wanted a back massage but stopped after a few stokes on my back. Hahaha! He is testing the water already. I got to go now, since, I need to strategize my style. It’s been a while since he was left with me for nap time.
TC to all! Enjoy the weekend!
-end-
Post Script: naku naman.. parang semi annual ang blog ko.. wahuhuhuhuh!
15 January 2011
Sari-Saring Topics
I did it again today! Did another set of laundry. This is my favorite house work. I make it a point that I imagine myself working out in a fitness center when doing the laundry. The clothes are the dumb bells, the pale I use to fill the wash tub with water is the barbell or machine that affects the abdomen area and the rugs on the floor as the treadmill. I started realizing this when I admitted that my stomach was getting big and I felt heavy even when walking. I guess it was last quarter of 2010 when I started this ritual.
Kahit naka washing machine ang gamit, I realized we still need to exert physically para naman sa kagaya kong di ma afford mag punta sa gym ay may onting exercise pa din. Nakakatuwa lang isipin at ipahayag na kahit papano may resulta. Yan ay sabi ng misis ko na parang pumorma daw ang aking braso at dibdib. And she jokes about it. One time a HS friend she was chatting with at FB was asking where I am, she said I was sleeping early coz I was just done with my work-out. This HS friend was surprised and told her to send her a picture. They laughed thru chatting when she discovered that my work-out was doing the laundry twice a week.
When we got a digicam as a gift, she really remembered to take my pic while doing the laundry cause she said she will show it to my friend the next tym they chat. Hahaha!
Now, after doing the laundry, I have another work-out to do. That is to make my son take his nap. This one is gonna be tough. He will figure out something to get me off his back and make me forget to make him do his naptime. Mind work-out it is!
Ang tawag dito ay unahan sa pang u-uto. My 5-year old is good at this. There have been many times he has gotten away with it. Him making me take a nap time! Weird but true. My wife has become a victim too of faking a nap. Victim of our own dose of medicine, we fall asleep and this little mama of ours will enjoy himself playing his toys or PSP and wait for us to wake-up and tell us: “Ikaw naman nakatulog Dad/Ma!”
Now, he just asked me if I wanted a back massage but stopped after a few stokes on my back. Hahaha! He is testing the water already. I got to go now, since, I need to strategize my style. It’s been a while since he was left with me for nap time.
TC to all! Enjoy the weekend!
-end-
Post Script: naku naman.. parang semi annual ang blog ko.. wahuhuhuhuh!
Ang Mga Pagtaas
Ang Mga Pagtaas
15 January 2011
Ukol Sa: Gobyerno
Naka amba na ang pagtaas ng pamasahe sa buong Metro Manila. What can we do?! Mag-rally? Mag-boycott? Mag-ngaw-ngaw?!
Unang-una lang, natatandaan niyo ba kung kailan huling nagtaas ng pasahe ang mga pangunahing modes of transportation? Eh natatandaan niyo ba kung kailan huling tumaas ang presyo ng gasolina?
Nakiki-isa ako sa mga ayaw tumaas ang pamasahe ngunit kailangan din naman nating magtanong. Sa MRT, kailan ba huling nag taas ang pamasahe nila? Lalo na ang LRT, baka hindi pa pinapanganak ang working class sa panahong ito ay yun na ang kanilang presyo. Sa taxi, kailan nga ba?
Pero ang sigurado ko ay natatandaan ninyo ang sa bus at sa jeep dahil maski ako ay tanda ko pa na bago umalis sa pwesto ang nakaraang presidente ay pinayagan niyang magtaas ang mga ito. Bago yata iyong magkaroon ng eleksyon nung payagan nilang mag taas ng minimum fare ang dalawang sangay na ito ng public transportation.
Hindi din lingid sa ating kaalaaman ang dahilan ng naka ambang pag-taas ng pamasahe sa iba pang sangay. Ito ay ang pagtaas ng toll fees sa SLEX, NLEX at iba pang EX na meron ditto sa Pinas.
Magtanong po ulet tayo? Bakit ba ganyan kataas ang dapat nilang itaas sa kanilang toll fees?
The simple reason is that the investors on some of these highway infrastructures need to get their money back after a long time of waiting. In the last 9 years, napigilan sila ng gobyerno. Bakit? Dahil ata sa “unstable” ang kanilang pamumuno kung kaya’t damay ang sangay na ito sa naipit sa pagpapaganda ng itsura at imahe ng pamahalaan noon.
Nararapat na nga yata itong mga pagtaas na ito?
Ano sa tingin mo? Huwag kang biased sa sarili mo mag-isip. Di lang ikaw ang tao sa mundong ito. Lol!
-end-
POST SCRIPT: naiwan ko palang di posted etong mga ito. mejo naging busy sa work (heheh... alam niyo naman its not easy being the man of the house..hehehe)
15 January 2011
Ukol Sa: Gobyerno
Naka amba na ang pagtaas ng pamasahe sa buong Metro Manila. What can we do?! Mag-rally? Mag-boycott? Mag-ngaw-ngaw?!
Unang-una lang, natatandaan niyo ba kung kailan huling nagtaas ng pasahe ang mga pangunahing modes of transportation? Eh natatandaan niyo ba kung kailan huling tumaas ang presyo ng gasolina?
Nakiki-isa ako sa mga ayaw tumaas ang pamasahe ngunit kailangan din naman nating magtanong. Sa MRT, kailan ba huling nag taas ang pamasahe nila? Lalo na ang LRT, baka hindi pa pinapanganak ang working class sa panahong ito ay yun na ang kanilang presyo. Sa taxi, kailan nga ba?
Pero ang sigurado ko ay natatandaan ninyo ang sa bus at sa jeep dahil maski ako ay tanda ko pa na bago umalis sa pwesto ang nakaraang presidente ay pinayagan niyang magtaas ang mga ito. Bago yata iyong magkaroon ng eleksyon nung payagan nilang mag taas ng minimum fare ang dalawang sangay na ito ng public transportation.
Hindi din lingid sa ating kaalaaman ang dahilan ng naka ambang pag-taas ng pamasahe sa iba pang sangay. Ito ay ang pagtaas ng toll fees sa SLEX, NLEX at iba pang EX na meron ditto sa Pinas.
Magtanong po ulet tayo? Bakit ba ganyan kataas ang dapat nilang itaas sa kanilang toll fees?
The simple reason is that the investors on some of these highway infrastructures need to get their money back after a long time of waiting. In the last 9 years, napigilan sila ng gobyerno. Bakit? Dahil ata sa “unstable” ang kanilang pamumuno kung kaya’t damay ang sangay na ito sa naipit sa pagpapaganda ng itsura at imahe ng pamahalaan noon.
Nararapat na nga yata itong mga pagtaas na ito?
Ano sa tingin mo? Huwag kang biased sa sarili mo mag-isip. Di lang ikaw ang tao sa mundong ito. Lol!
-end-
POST SCRIPT: naiwan ko palang di posted etong mga ito. mejo naging busy sa work (heheh... alam niyo naman its not easy being the man of the house..hehehe)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)